you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
