Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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