I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize