I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
