I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
