trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
