I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
