I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize