At least make sure they are 18
Why
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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