he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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