I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
