Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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