I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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