your parents love me but you hate me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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