hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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