Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
