I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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