End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
