Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
