I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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