so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Houston, we have a squirter
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
