I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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