it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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