the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
