so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
