Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
