Yo dont text me then not text me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
