Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Less talking, more tequila
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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