I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
