She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
