I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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