According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
