the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
