I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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