Can Purell be used as lube?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
