Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
