i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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