he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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