i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
