the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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