Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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