I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
