Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would fuck him just for his dog
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