I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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