I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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