So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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