So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
