sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
