Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
