The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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