evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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