i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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