Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
