he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
