I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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