i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
