you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
