It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
