i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
