I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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