no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
