I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
