When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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